black bean dip

last night i came home tired...and knowing i needed protein. i also need to make my lunch for the next day, since my income doesn't allow for buying deli sandwiches like my boss does.

black beans & rice--so easy:

2 cans of black beans
1 t paprika
1 t cumin
1 t (or less) chili powder
salt & pepper
olive oil

i blend all that in the food processor. (i probably use more seasoning than that...i just tip the spice jar and guess.)

i put some in a mason jar for later and had some for supper, with rice (wholegrain).

this dip is also handy for making burritos. Add cheese and salsa. Or with fried eggs & salsa. and there's no need to cook it.

we ventured out into a cold wet evening to see the darjeeling limited yesterday. it was full of earnest absurdity and poignant awkwardness, as well as being a visual feast of hues and textures.

another intensely colorful treat is the music of peruvian yma sumac. surprising. november can be bleak and gray...things like these are bursts of sorely needed color.

embracing imperfection

photo by nihito

i've been thinking about what i find beautiful, and why so often it is something worn, with a history. there is much that is new and perfect in the world. but i prefer to see the touch of human hands, the traces of time's passing, and nature's movement.

so much in carpentry and remodeling is about perfection..flawless finishes. yet it is too stressful to live a life where denting an object ruins it. i have made the choice to embrace scratches and stains as the truth of the history of an object. including the beet juice that dripped on the blue t-shirt i am wearing.

a sunday walk in the woods

more inspiration, this time from Mary Oliver

(photo by me)

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

from Howard Thurman

Give me the courage to live!
Really live – not merely exist.
Live dangerously,
Scorning risk!
Live honestly,
Daring the truth –
Particularly the truth of myself!
Live resiliently –
Ever changing, ever growing, ever adapting.
Enduring the pain of change
As though ’twere the travail of birth.
Give me the courage to live,
Give me the strength to be free
And endure the burden of freedom
And the loneliness of those without chains;
Let me not be trapped by success,
Nor by failure, nor pleasure, nor grief,
Nor malice, nor praise, nor remorse!
Give me the courage to go on!
Facing all that waits on the trail –
Going eagerly, joyously on,
And paying my way as I go,
Without anger or fear or regret
Taking what life gives,
Spending myself to the full,
Head high, spirit winged, like a god –
On…on…till the shadows draw close.
Then even when darkness shuts down,
And I go out alone, as I came,
Naked and blind as I came –
Even then, gracious God, hear my prayer:
Give me the courage to live!

Thomas Merton speaks of silence

We talked about this article tonight. I'm thinking about how to put more silence, peace, into my life. Time to stare out a window and just be.

Yesterday I attended a Quaker meeting for the first time. A group of adults sat for nearly an hour in quietness. It was...good. Although...I really wanted to know what people were thinking about. However, maybe they've learned to be still, and think a little less. I was busy trying to read the titles of the books on the shelf across the room.

to me, this is beautiful.

third week of october

i've been working with a local contractor. my commute is about 6 minutes. he's well-educated, does beautiful work, and is interested in energy-efficient improvements in houses as well as restoration and fine cabinetry. i'm learning tons and working hard.

unlike my last two positions, this one feels somewhat secure. i can focus on trying to learn stuff rather than worrying about whether i will have a job. there is a great deal of stress involved in trying to do good work, and not take too long. i have to make myriad small decisions, and most of the time i don't know if i made the right one. i can ask about everything, but after a while it gets tiring to me as well as my boss. something as simple as whether to put a tool away. if i leave it out, he might ask me to put it away. if i put it away, he might need it.

coiling cords that tangle. trying to find an outlet to plug a tool into. finding the right case (among 10 similar plastic ones) for a particular power tool.

however, it's not all bad. i'm learning, even if i usually learn the hard way. i'm starting to be able to foresee what tools will be needed and bring them ahead of time. yesterday i did some work patching holes and insulating in a basement to save the homeowners on their energy bills. we will also be replacing windows and weather stripping doors. earlier, i scrubbed mildew off a bathroom ceiling, then scraped, spackled, sanded, and painted.

i'm trying to eat enough protein so my muscles can catch up to the demands placed on them. i found some books and magazines at the library and am trying to cram in more knowledge. i plan to start investing in some more significant tools. i'd love to have a workshop to mess around in, maybe try to make some simple furniture. i know i eventually need to have a truck so that i can buy lumber and carry more tools. it feels a little premature to invest in that, although maybe if i was bold and spent the money, it would pay off.

i'm chuckling

have been on an organizing/eliminating binge. needed boxes. found some on side of road in recycling. minor detail: next to a bar.

also found this link for donating used bibles and christian literature (i had too many bibles).

the upshot? a heineken box full of 4 bibles, some writings of j. n. darby, and a few other tomes is on its way. wish i could see the reaction it gets. will they be worried about what the postman thinks they've been ordering?

news

i hope to interview sometime this week with a company that looks perfect for me. i am really excited and i hope i can be what they need. cross your fingers for me, please!

today, i spent half a day caulking around windows. this helps with airtightness, which is essential to energy-efficiency. it also makes for a more finished look. when i went upstairs into the attic to take care of those windows, i was blown away. i climbed narrow red painted stairs to a dark, old gabled space. the ribs of the house were visible--old wood. morning light streamed in from the east. what an enchanted space--far more enticing to me than the updated floors below. definitely a highlight.

looking at this picture makes me very happy.

painting on friday was so good. alone, with only the sounds of autumn breezes, trucks passing on residential streets, and a barely audible distant radio. i had the day to think, with a paintbrush or roller in my hands. near the end of the day i took off my shoes (my boss had left me alone for most of the day). i felt the freedom and the outdoors--exactly what i've been looking for. i'm hoping for more of the same monday, when i do the last coat.

last night, powaqqatsi was so good. i recommend it. it's a movie with images and music and not a lot of words, but very beautiful, very moving at times.

a little of my inspiration

another day of work

yesterday i called up a contractor that i'd talked to a while ago, and he said to meet him today at 7:30 to work. this is good. we spent the morning doing some work on a kitchen, and I was very impressed by what he does. i got to do a tiny bit of the trim.

in the afternoon we went to a property he manages (owns?) and i got to use a weed trimmer to mow the back yard, then rake & bag the garbage. having never used a weed whacker before, i had a rough time, revving the thing too hard, and somehow using up the plastic cord way too fast. i probably used too much gas too. it was exhausting and dirty work. the upside was that i got to use those awesome safety goggles.

i guess i'll work for him tomorrow too. we haven't decided yet what i'll get paid but i have a feeling it will be low. i need experience desperately, so i guess i have to get what i get.

yesterday i was so worried about money that i called the office of temporary employment at rutgers university and interviewed for a secretarial type job. today they offered it to me. it probably pays twice what i'll be making. but it's not on the path.

the path is charted with images like these:



and dreams of one day making my own home.

'refried' beans & rice

this is cheap food, which i am interested in because after 3 days my employment has taken a bit of a hiatus. a delay in building permits...or maybe i just don't have the skills to be a good employee for them? i'm back on the trail, searching for employment.

anyway.

in a food processor, mix:
2 cans black beans, drained
3 tablespoons or so of olive oil
2 teaspoons cumin
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon salt (to taste)

all of these amounts are approximate. if the spices seem a little weak, definitely add more. you want this to be a zingy experience. last time i made it, i lost control of the chili powder, which actually was a good thing!

this makes a tasty bean puree, which could be used in burritos, over rice, or even in a sandwich. it goes well with cheddar cheese.

i enjoyed a bowl of rice with the beans on top, and then cheese melted. very satisfying.

what grows in southern illinois

mike writes

and i recommend:

What the Hell is wrong with most Christians

i especially like his use of the words inspire and expire (breathe in and breathe out).

day 3 of work as a carpenter's helper

i'm working for a man & his son who do kitchen remodeling (lots of cabinets). they also bought a run down house and are completely redoing it in order to either rent or sell.

the first day we worked on the stairs leading up to the porch of the house. i cut pieces of wood to the right width (using a table saw) and length (using a circular saw and chop saw). i helped to drill holes and nail tongue in groove pieces of wood to form the steps. we also nailed up white boards to the front of the porch to conceal the rough boards supporting it.

i do a lot of picking up trash, bringing the right boards, and getting the tools to the guy i work with. i dug dirt away from some columns, and i think more digging is to come when we work on the basement. at the end of the day i'm usually very sweaty and a little dirt-smeared.

today we spent the morning finishing a kitchen cabinet job in a pretty fancy apartment that faces the ocean. the cabinets have a bamboo face. i helped to put on trim and also to adjust the cabinet doors so they are straight and flush with each other and the cabinet body. i went back & forth unloading and loading tools in today's light drizzle.

in the afternoon we went to a different house and tore out some columns that are going to be replaced with columns of a different style. the house was lovely, and it sure didn't look like it needed remodeling. the kitchen cabinets are beautiful and look brand new, but the owners want something more their style. sometimes my employers save things they pull out of houses and re-use them. i felt like saving some of the boards i threw into the dumpster today. if i had a shed somewhere i could start a stockpile and end up with a house.

i think it's going to take a little while for it to sink in that this is my new mode of earning a living. the job doesn't take up nearly as much mind-space as teaching, although when we are on the job i try to always be thinking ahead: plug in the saw, bring a board, load nails into the nail gun, get the wood glue.

although i interact with my employers and a bit with customers, it's much more of a thing job than a people job. i am looking forward to being a more skilled carpenter. right now i do a lot of watching and assisting. i struggle with fear that i'll do something wrong. fortunately, the guy i work with is pretty relaxed and patient.

it's the start of a new school year, though, and living near rutgers i feel the beginning of a new year even though i'm no longer in academia. i'm feeling my way in this new phase of life, wondering what my goals will be, what i'll explore outside of work, what i should try to learn or accomplish. perhaps singing, pottery, writing? a bible study, or maybe waitressing on weekends?

well, for now i'm going to take a shower, because i really need one.