Monday, March 11, 2013

what do I want?

What is it that I'm looking for in that other life?  Am I just chronically dissatisfied?  Or do I have a good reason to want something different?  I need to put into words what it is that I want so I know what I am and am not looking for.

1.  To experience life on the land.   To grow food from the soil.  To build structures, possibly with stones, wood, or earth from the property itself.  To wash clothes and dishes in water collected from rain.   A composting toilet is also part of this.

2.  To be surrounded by quiet and privacy.  To not hear and smell neighbors.  To not see much of them.  To be able to do my thing without people observing and commenting.

Clarification.  Living in an apartment is a kind of hell for a highly sensitive person.  Living in a separate house next to others might be ok, although for me the typical suburban experience is still much too close to other people.  You still hear marital disputes, smell cigars and laundry softener and pool chlorine, hear lawn mowers and weed whackers.

I enjoy living in within walking distance of a store, post office, bank, or library.  I like to be able to walk in a neighborhood.  Some country roads are just not walkable at all.  And on the east coast, Lyme disease makes blazing trails through woods or meadows a little risky.  So do I want to live in town or in the country?  I guess I would like to live walking or biking distance from town, but surrounded by quiet.

3.  To not have a conventional job.  To live on land and in a house that is paid off, and to grow a lot of our produce, so that our expenses are minimized and we don't need to earn as much.  That would free us up to do what we are naturally drawn to do.

We are currently tracking our expenses, and if you take out rent we are already living on very little.  I do have a concern that moving to the country could mean spending a lot on gas if we are driving a lot to do things.  Hopefully we'd make infrequent trips for shopping and library.  And not commute to a job, unless absolutely necessary.

There was a time we were earned our money with jobs walking distance from our apartment.  There was something beautiful about that.

I have an idea of a small roadside store where we can sell surplus vegetables, furniture, and art.  That plus selling at a farmer's market could work for us.

To spend a lot of the day in solitude.  I'm learning that being alone is so relaxing.  I think it's my preferred work mode.


So I think those may be my big three.  My big motivators for what I want.  See, living mortgage free in a way precludes living in a town because houses cost a lot more in town.  So that's been another reason I've thought we'd live in the country, too.  Plus wanting to garden and to be free to build somewhat non-traditionally.  There are still restrictions in the country, but apparently a little more freedom.

Not having a conventional job--I still want to interact with society.  I want to be a part of a local economy, but on different terms.

I don't know exactly what I want to do.  I feel like I need time to feel my way in life.  I want the freedom to explore.  Needing money is pressure and it means less freedom.  Needing to pay rent is not freedom.  I want to be rent-free and low income and free to explore.

Thanks for listening.