objects, things, posessions

there is this undeniable connection we have with our things.

i struggle with the fact that i want to be free and unweighted down. and yet many objects are so helpful, or filled with memories, or part of a hobby or interest, or a useful craft.

yesterday we emptied out the garage unit i'd been renting since march. many of the things we threw away were found for free in roadside discards. yet, i felt bad that i hadn't made the things i knew i could make from them. then i consoled myself that if i did make more furniture, we'd just have more to take when we make our next move.

the tables, crates, and bench i made are great, and all but one can be taken apart and transported in pieces.

but the things! the other things we'd intended to sell at a garage sale and then i had to work that day, and it rained, and we didn't do it. we ended up moving the things into the basement of an adjoining building in our complex. and sort of laughing to ourselves that maybe we'd just leave them there forever.

today we discovered that someone had helped themselves to some books and adam's old atari he'd planned to try to sell. and we sort of didn't care.

i guess part of it for me is not wanting to put things in the garbage, and yet there is this old man here that when you leave things BY the dumpster for others to help themselves to...he obsessively throws them into the dumpster right away.

so putting things into the basement turns out to be the perfect solution--we don't feel bad about throwing them away, and someone might steal them, and if they don't, we can go back and get them any time.

so often i just wish i could be free of all these objects that take up so much time and energy. but my woodworking tools, old pieces of cloth waiting to be sewn, photoalbums, mugs i made in the ceramics phase, most of them i can't part with yet. and until i'm ready to, i won't.

maybe one day we'll have a place on some land and we won't be thinking that a move is in the future, and we'll hang on to scraps of cloth, pieces of wood, miscellaneous hinges and screws and nails, bottles. and everything will be useful, someday...and i will get over my need to purge and be lightweight.

i think that time is closer than ever.

still here

after a month and a half without a computer or internet connection in our home, i feel like i gained a freedom from web use that i really cherish...although it's been really aggravating not having google and email at our disposal.

new developments in life here:

married life
a new apartment
a used laptop
making homemade: salsa, tortillas, pear pie, bookshelves
growing on the balcony: cherry tomatoes, basil, peppers, rosemary, lettuce & greens

also--a lot of wondering about my future occupation or contribution to society. i read a lot, and feel that after a period of obsession and research into housing and carpentry, i am now moving into an interest in food, gardening, agriculture, the food industry, and the problems in our American society (greed, constant hurry, large corporations, a loss of touch with the truly important things in life).

i think writing here is important for me. it's a space to organize my thoughts, to practice writing, and to chronicle my journey. so i think i'll get back to posting, maybe weekly. if anyone is still reading, i'm glad! see you next time!