on kawara

I just discovered the artist On Kawara.  He is the last artist profiled in the book I posted about last time.  

Last night I stayed up late, inspired by this painting, "100 Year CalendAr".

https://gerrishfineart.com/product/100-year-calender/

Another image of 100 years, with different days represented as different colored dots depending on (for example) whether he made a painting that day.

I stayed up late, creating a spreadsheet that listed all the days I will be alive.  With blank spots starting now and continuing until 100 years after my birth.

I played with a couple of different formattings, one which would generate a 8.5 inch wide banner about 15.5 inches tall.I have a 16 foot tall wall in my house, so...

With a ladder, I could have a sense of perspective of the scope of my days and life.  I could fill in with a pencil the days as I live them.

Here is a screenshot:

This is also spin off from reading 4000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman.  Our lives are both long, and also limited.  We can't comprehend or accept the limitations of the time we have, and thus, sometimes think we can do more than we can.  I copied this: "The limit embracing life...you are no longer befogged and bewildered by a false and misleading illusion about your life".

It feels truly elusive to comprehend the scope of one's days.  At 48 years old, I'm exactly halfway to the age I expect to live to, 96.  So a good time to consider this.  

Going back to On Kawara, I located this video where the artist Annette Lawrence speaks about their shared sensibilities.

Here is her list of what she appreciates (and relates to) about him.  (In her words):

• he's a systems guy
• he makes monumental things about everyday occurrences
• focus on process rather than product
• work is introspective, contemplative, meditative and quiet
• ...and generous
• work is a refuge from our culture that clamors for our attention at every second
• repetition sets up expectations and fulfills them
• that rhythm goes on for decades

[I will have to research Annette Lawrence, also.]

Here's what I'm liking about On Kawara, that I would like to learn from or copy:

• a repetition that slowly accumulates to something  
• mundane rituals: some of these rituals acculumlate to nothing visible, except a life (an accumulation of its own.)  

Kawara came up with a system (his date paintings) and then incorporated dots about them, into the 100 year calendar.  

• a big system and then little systems that support or are part of the big system
• everything being connected makes it simpler
• consistency makes it quieter  

He placed each date painting in a box which he made, lined with a local newspaper, as he traveled the world.

• connected to place and time

The fact that his output was repetitive, likely meant he needed only a limited number of supplies and tools in order to work.  I aspire to 

• a minimum of required possessions

• journals! still a focus on when & where (sadly my trusty red journal brand was discontinued, so my shelf won't look like this)

• telegrams 1969-2000

• other lists: I met, I went
• taking photos of the same view over and over again on different days

Which makes me think of how lately my life has been repetitive in a very satisfying way (we do the same trips each year-end, each march break, each summer).  And to embrace that and allow that to structure my life, could be quite perfect, and satisfying.

Daily, weekly, yearly patterns: a life.

what are we doing?

 

When I thought about that question, it came back to Maslow's hierarchy.  Lots of survival, feeding, sleeping, the basics.   Earning money.  Connecting with other humans, and then further along, you get to: making things nice, and expressing yourself.  Creating.  

(Images of a book by Leonard Koren)

Also: self-discovery.  Luxuries, I guess.  Not to be explored when you are hungry, unhoused.  

Which of the items on the list are ones you want to create for?

the time between

between the silence

before birth

and the silence 

after death

...

are the days

we string up

one after another

waking, quickly going

tasking, then returning

...

i really don't understand

why we move so much

why it's hard to be still

what exactly we think we are doing

...

what are we doing?

subtraction

to find who you are

take away

everything 

you are not

doors that close and doors that open

the constraints of a life...

only so many things you can do

within an hour, a day, a season, a year

if you choose well, it's balanced.

you feel alive, and connected

to both people and a purpose.

Image Credit

The world may respond more enthusiastically to some of your offerings than to others.  

I've pursued paths and had doors close, close, close.

Other times alignment felt magical, and doors opened.  

In 2015 when I left New Jersey, I applied for a timberframing apprenticeship, and did not get in.  I went to a timberframing workshop, got violently ill, and had to leave.  I was introduced to a timber framing mentor, and went out to work with him on a rural property, but things got weird and I chose to leave.  I loved the idea of timberframing, but ultimately I realized it just wasn't working for me.  But all the timber framing experiences have informed my furniture making.  

I moved to Portland Oregon for a month, joined a woodworking maker space, and made furniture.  I made up a residency program that was exactly what I needed at the time.

I let go of timberframing, but opportunities to learn housebuilding skills continued to open up.  Workaway.com provided 2 weeks of learning basic wiring, which I was able to apply at another workaway stay.  I traveled with my van and tools and made friends in the valley where I'd ultimately settle.  I helped a friend build a cabin and learned the basics of conventional framing.

I'd tried to escape teaching, but a teaching job opened up and I took it.  The stability and income enabled me to buy a property and build, first a shed, and then my own house.

...

Now that I am living in the house, I'm curious which doors will open and which will close for me, as I look to my next chapters.  

My teaching position connects me with other teachers, whose wide-ranging experiences and backgrounds open up my perspective.  My students connect me to this community via the experiences they share.  I see the many ways teaching grounds me and supports my life.  

But making things, and design!  I love materials, and tangible, humble, practical objects.  Will it be furniture, houses, or something else?  Is this a new career, or a side hustle? 

Two ways to navigate forward. One is to listen to my heart.  The other is to watch for doors that close, and doors that open.   

...

Today, I choose: to spend the afternoon creating my woodworking space.

your assignment

 ...isn't to be perfect

it's to figure out 

who you are

how to be you

and how to be part of things.

To do so kindly, authentically

quirkily, honestly

humbly, and with a certain

pride 

in the unique notes

you bring

to your community

Where this is headed

Age fifty approaches.  I find flashes of overwhelm, with my things, my tasks, the impossibility of victory over life.  Entropy gains on me.  

Yes - I teach my classes, I do laundry, cook meals, see friends.  I do the things I'm expected to, even appear moderately succesful.  Exercise, bathe and dress, do my hair.  Vitamins, vegetables, doctor visits.

Yet the realization dawns: health problems will increase.  Exposure to injury and harm is unavoidable.  

Somehow, accepting this: that I will ultimately lose the battle with entropy, that I'll succomb to whatever kills me, that I'll sink into the earth sooner or later, it's a relief.  I'm trying to stay on top, but it's to be expected that I'll eventually fail.  Which is how it's supposed to be.

Today I can keep things simple, stay closer to the soil.  When it's time, I will more easily slip beneath it.  I'll let go of my affairs; the creatures and beings that come after me will carry life forward.