whole

unless your heart is undivided, you can't do someone much good.

i'm learning that if i "befriend" someone but don't really enjoy their company, that they're not stupid. they won't enjoy my company either--in fact, they'll be kinda pissed when they figure out they were just my charity project.

extrapolating from that, i suspect that the money i grudgingly dole out doesn't do nearly as much good as a gift given with an open hand and open heart.

if you have to wash the dishes, do it well, and find a way to enjoy it. or something like that. i know of at least one person who will object to me picking dishwashing as an example.

i'm not saying we should only do fun, easy, recreational stuff. but do everything you do with your whole heart. it's the only way to live. abundantly.

i'm finding ways to stop doing things i can't do whole-heartedly. its energizing.

boats at night

How lovely is the sound of oars at night
And unknown voices, borne through windless air,
From shadowy voices floating out of sight
Beyond the harbour lantern’s broken glare
To those piled rocks that make on the dark wave
Only a darker stain. The splashing oars
Slide softly on as in an echoing cave
And with the whisper of the unseen shores
Mingle their music, till the bell of night
Murmurs reverberations low and deep
That droop towards the land in swooning flight
Like whispers from the lazy lips of sleep.
The oars grow faint. Below the cloud-dim hill
The shadows fade and now the bay is still.

-Edward Shanks

the idea

click here and here and here to see some funky buildings that i'm talking about.

if you click my amazon wish list you'll see what i'm getting interested in. not that i'm asking for anything...it's just how i keep track of books people recommend, for future reference or for checking at the library.

i just ordered two books that i'm excited to get. one of them is:



below is a picture of a woman's kitchen in ireland that i was enchanted by. i furtively took a picture when she left the room to answer the phone.



here is a picture from the book that is coming in the mail.



i've started paying attention to the architecture in my dreams too. sometimes the buildings are very strange, lovely, or oppresive. often memorable.

people actually do this. this makes me very happy.

warning

from a recent email i sent out:

Since I learned the hard way, I'll pass this along: don't take a walk in the rain while talking on your cellphone ;)

from kurt's reply:

you remind me of wisdom which you once shared with me, "if you can't be a
good example, at least be a horrible warning"

in honor of this beautiful grayness, i purchased a gray blanket/cloat and wore it as i walked along the cliffs:

just back from being away all weekend. just before leaving for chicago, i walked to the dumpster. a person was bouncing on the mattress set discarded there. she seemed a little crazy. i decided i needed to talk to her. apparently she was testing and had approved the mattresses and was eager to move them to her apartment. i couldn't help--was leaving, but we exchanged phone numbers in case she needed car help later.

tonight, upon returning, i called her. as the conversation develops, it turns out she just met a really fun guy who does contracting/carpentry/remodeling work around here. and she's going to try to set me up to talk to him about breaking into the business. cross your fingers for me :) i'll let you know how it develops.

irish breakfast

these scones were unbelievable. of course, i was not skimping on butter.

more pictures

click here...

irish trees

I had to do this in stages so today's topic is trees. Click here to see the pictures or here to see them as a slideshow (you can speed it up or stop it, too).

As many of you know, I am obsessed with trees and the qualities they embody. They speak to me of the human spirit questing for transcendence and union with God. Seeing a tree teaches me the attitude of prayer. Stand still, stretch upward. Recieve the sunshine.

Then there are the roots, the wonderful going deeper in search of water. No one else can see that inner quest.

I love the fact that each type of tree has its signature silhouette and branching style--the perfect union of math and art.

I loved the mythical quality of some of these--I'd never seen anything like them except in the murals in the elf houses Lord of the Rings. Others are shaped by persistent wind.

Tomorrow, pictures of another of my obsessions.

home again

hi! i'm back. i had a great trip, but i'm absolutely ecstatic to be home. i greet my neighbor with glee, the guy at the corner store says hi, how are you. i know the trees. i walk to the video store and the bakery and it's all familiar. there is such a bliss in that, i tell you.

i took about 500-600 pictures. i'm a little overwhelmed as to how to begin sharing. for now, this is from this evening, out my living room window. an astonishing sight.

preparation

time to pack. time to get on a plane. time for travel into the unknown. my first time to cross the atlantic. flying into the night and arriving with the dawn in a new country where at least some of my ancestry lies. i've done the research, made a car rental. gathered a pile of books to read, and an empty journal. now it's time to just experience what unfolds--rain or wind, solitude or serendipitous encounters, pubs or open spaces.

i don't really feel mentally prepared, or even excited yet. i'm still quite anxious. let me pack my bags, then perhaps i'll feel ready.

joy

...and peace.

solitary saturday

a walk in the rain last night (while talking on the phone) was nice. a dead phone this morning, and finding that i need to buy a new one is not so nice.

in the solitude that this situation has granted me, i am organizing my photo files and working on getting some photos framed (getting the glass spotless is hard!).

this photo was taken in a friend's kitchen (anybody recognize it?). more to come.

one day left

one day of school left. things are going really well, except for the dream last night which contained nightmares about my test being wayyyy too hard for the students (and them rebelling), and a swirly amazing visual of clouds in the most amazing tempest, running towards us as we watched in fear and fascination. as a result, i'm up before 5.

this photo was taken out the window of a taxi in lima, peru. for some reason, i love it.

timmie

at the corner deli, a guy with a reflective vest is loading up on snacks. i ask, and sure enough, he's gearing up for an all-night 14 hour shift working construction on route 18.

"stay in school", he says, with a look that conveys the fatigue, long, cold hours, and hard work.

"i'm done with school", i say. "i've got the cushy job, teaching, but i'm sick of it." (feeling like a spoiled brat, complaining...)

in the parking lot i pass him on my way out to the car. he's in a huge truck. as i walk by, he asks "do your students act up in class?"

"yeah." i guess he realized we have something in common.

"i'm over 60 men, and they don't behave either. they don't give me any respect."

wow. i just don't find that suprising at all. but it would suck majorly to have to be in charge of them. the guy looks really tired, lines under his eyes.

"do you hate your job?" i ask.

"yeah, i do.... what do you think is wrong with young people today?"

uhhh..."i think once people stopped believing in god, nothing matters anymore."

"yeah, they need to start going to church again."

"well, i don't go to church, but i believe in god. it means that things happen for a reason, there is a reason for everything."

as i walk away, he calls after me, "say a prayer for me."

i turn and face him. "i will."

"my name is timmie."

"ok timmie. good night."

i walk slowly back to my car. i vow to say a prayer for all the timmies trapped in soul-destroying jobs, but especially this one.

sunday

i had a rather nightmarish morning with a sick feeling in my stomach that the trip to ireland would be a disaster & all would fail and i'd hide in the airport.

cracked eggs into a frying pan, got one whose white was greenish tinged. more evidence.

having a pleasant roommate is helpful when this darkness descends. sometimes all you need is another human to say normal, unremarkable yet sane things. i'm glad i have her.

tried going to a church service, but it was too hyper and praise and hip. i prefer small groups, living room-sized. however, only the pastor seemed over the top. the audience seemed normal & cool. the entire congregation were young adults. i was recommended this place as a cure for my single blues.

i bought a yellow raincoat for ireland. i bought frames & hung 4 prints in my place. i'm pleased with how they look. i bought some christmas presents and am starting to conjure up some christmas spirit.

friday evening

from my life today

a verse

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. (James 1:17)