shoes--my obsession

I've been extremely picky about shoes for as long as I can remember. As a child I was very upset when I had to wear shoes that I felt said something about my personality that wasn't accurate. Now, when I finally find a pair that is just right, I love to be stopped by a stranger who loves them too--a kindred shoe spirit.

Here's a little history of some of my more recent shoe purchases--the more obsessively researched ones, anyway.

When I was getting into carpentry, my new boss told me that the green sneakers weren't really right for the job site. I paid nearly $100 for a pair of very comfortable leather work shoes, wolverines. They were great for a while, and then a year and a half later the soles wore thin and cracked. Now my socks get wet when its rainy.

Lately, I've become a fan of long term commitments to my shoes, so this was a big let down. (Although I'll admit I was never crazy about how these looked--I bought them in a hurry and compromised on style--they were work shoes after all.)

I have a pair of doc martens that lasted me well, but ended up not being as comfortable as I'd hoped, so they aren't getting worn too frequently. I think they were really cute, though.


Another $100 or so purchase was some mephisto sandals which I think I bought in '05 or '06 and are still going strong, probably more comfortable than ever, if looking a bit worn.


Today I was looking at these, thinking maybe Birkenstocks would be a good reliable bet:

But really, I would love to have a pair of shoes made for me. I think I'm going to look for a real live shoemaker!



check out these made by guat shoes


and these too (i'm a sucker for pink or red shoes):



I know there's a huge lack of quality footwear available--I get super frustrated when I discover that formerly reliable brands are outsourcing manufacturing and their products just aren't the same as they used to be. Even the really good names! So I am going to keep looking for a 5 to 10 year shoe relationship in the $100 price range. Maybe handmade shoes will have to wait. Maybe someday I'll make a pair for myself. (Or maybe I'll try to re-sole those wolverines myself since the shoemaker said he can't.)

Story Water

A story is like water
that you heat for your bath.

It takes messages between the fire
and your skin. It lets them meet,
and it cleans you!

Very few can sit down
in the middle of the fire itself
like a salamander or Abraham.
We need intermediaries.

A feeling of fullness comes,
but usually it takes bread
to bring it.

Beauty surrounds us,
but usually we need to be walking
in a garden to know it.

The body itself is a screen
to shield and partially reveal
the light that's blazing
inside your presence.

Water, stories, the body,
all the things we do, are mediums
that hide and show what's hidden.

Study them,
and enjoy this being washed
with a secret we sometimes know
and then not.

--Rumi, the medeival Persian sage, translated by Coleman Barks.

two books

This book changed my mind.
It got me to reconsider my gut feeling against nuclear energy and genetically engineered food by looking at the facts.

I'd almost become a luddite, rejecting all (or most) technology as essentially problematic and creating more problems than it solves. But our society is not about to give up its inventions and return to a simpler era. We need technology to solve the problems that technology has created.

While nuclear power generation has its dangers, Stewart Brand argues that they are far less than the dangers posed by the massive amounts of pollution created by coal burning power plants. And nuclear is safe until there is an accident, whereas coal power plants are unsafe even when they are running perfectly.

Brand also examines closely the objections to genetically modified foods and argues that genetic alteration is something that happens haphazardly all the time in nature, and that by intentionally creating varieties with specific traits we can optimize yields, and minimize the use of pesticides. Less land will need to be in in cultivation, and fewer crops will fail.

I still have reservations about whether the use of genetically modified seed will give too much power to the corporations (like Monsanto) that develop the seed. However Brand gives examples of situations where smaller organizations were able to develop genetically engineered solutions to local agricultural problems successfully.


I'm reading this book, Life, Inc., which Adam read first. We came across the author on the radio, giving talks on the influence that corporations have taken over our every-day life.

I'm only in Chapter two but I'd like to share a few excerpts:

"The American Revolution was less a revolt by colonists against Britain than by small businessmen against the chartered multinational corporation writing her laws."

"Leading industrialists funded public schools--at once gifts to the working class and powerful tools for growing a more docile labor force. They ...sought to produce 'mediocre intellects and ensure docile citizens' and...modeled public schools after factories, in which the raw product [the children] are to be shaped and fashioned...according to the specifications laid down."

"The rise of factory made products and a rail system to transport them meant that consumers no longer knew exactly where their goods came from, or more important, the people who made them. The "brand" emerged to serve that function, to put a fact on the oats, beverages, and automobiles we bought...."

"The more individualized consumers became--the more separated in their own suburban homes, isolated from their communities and totally self-reliant--the more stuff they would need to buy. Independence from one another meant increasing dependence on the companies that served us."

Corita Kent’s Rules & Hints for Students and Teachers.

* Rule 1

FIND A PLACE YOU TRUST AND THEN TRY TRUSTING IT FOR A WHILE.

* Rule 2

GENERAL DUTIES OF A STUDENT:
PULL EVERYTHING OUT OF YOUR TEACHER.
PULL EVERYTHING OUT OF YOUR FELLOW STUDENTS.

* Rule 3

GENERAL DUTIES OF A TEACHER:
PULL EVERYTHING OUT OF YOUR STUDENTS.

* Rule 4

CONSIDER EVERYTHING AN EXPERIMENT.

* Rule 5

BE SELF DISCIPLINED. THIS MEANS
FINDING SOMEONE WISE OR SMART AND
CHOOSING TO FOLLOW THEM.
TO BE DISCIPLINED IS TO FOLLOW IN A GOOD WAY.
TO BE DISCIPLINED IS TO FOLLOW IN A BETTER WAY.

* Rule 6

NOTHING IS A MISTAKE. THERE’S NO WIN AND
NO FAIL. THERE’S ONLY MAKE.

* Rule 7

The only rule is work.
IF YOU WORK IT WILL LEAD TO SOMETHING.
IT’S THE PEOPLE WHO DO ALL OF THE WORK ALL THE TIME
WHO EVENTUALLY CATCH ON TO THINGS.

* Rule 8

DON’T TRY TO CREATE AND ANALYZE AT THE
SAME TIME. THEY’RE DIFFERENT PROCESSES.

* Rule 9

BE HAPPY WHENEVER YOU CAN MANAGE IT.
ENJOY YOURSELF. IT’S LIGHTER THAN YOU
THINK.

* Rule 10

"WE’RE BREAKING ALL OF THE RULES. EVEN
OUR OWN RULES. AND HOW DO WE DO THAT
BY LEAVING PLENTY OF ROOM FOR X QUANTITIES." JOHN CAGE

HELPFUL HINTS: ALWAYS BE AROUND. COME OR GO TO EVERY- THING. ALWAYS GO TO CLASSES. READ ANYTHING YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON. LOOK AT MOVIES CAREFULLY, OFTEN. SAVE EVERYTHING IT MIGHT COME IN HANDY LATER. THERE SHOULD BE NEW RULES NEXT WEEK.

found here and here.

infinite mercy

Babette's Feast is a classic--a simple but profound experience that must be mulled over and watched again.

At one point in the movie the General makes a speech. Here's an excerpt:

Man, in his weakness and shortsightness, believes he must make choices in this life. He trembles at the risks he takes. We do know fear.

But no. Our choice is of no importance. There comes a time when your eyes are opened. And we come to realize that mercy is infinite. We need only await it with confidence, and receive it with gratitude. Mercy imposes no conditions. And, lo! Everything we have chosen has been granted to us, and everything we have rejected has also been granted. Yes, we even get back what we rejected. For mercy and truth are met together; and righteousness and bliss shall kiss one another.

I've struggled with fear when making decisions. These words are refreshing and comforting. They ring true to my heart, too. Our choices make a difference for our lives, but they'll never come between us and infinite mercy.

old opinions

has anyone ever experience their inner critic gaining strength as they get older? i'm not sure what has happened to me (negative experiences?) but it seems harder to write freely.

perhaps its just that i'm losing my youthful "know it all" confidence. and i believe more and more strongly that, well, you can't be too sure about things without later finding out you're actually dead wrong.

many traits i considered strengths have turned out to be unhealthy compulsions. it's been an eye-opener to find that my husband loves me not for being extremely efficient and hardworking, but because i'm me (even just sitting still, or sleeping in). i used to think i was really great at psychoanalyzing people, but now it seems that i'm just really critical. so i'm trying to learn to just appreciate people despite their strange or irritating behaviors.

i think if i wrote a book on what i believe right now, i'd be horribly embarrased in about a year.

things are changing so fast. i'm not really a reliable opinion to rely on. is there something reliable beyond me?

i know i'm supposed to say "God". yes, he is always there. but my beliefs about who he is, what he wants...those definitely can be dead wrong.

truth, love and beauty.

my quest for truth requires me to again and again open myself to new revelations. m. scott peck calls it revising your road map. every new experience is an opportunity to allow myself to learn, to correct course, or to erase and re-draw lines on the map.

love turns out to be something different than i thought it was. all those times i thought i was helping people were a disaster. turns out i was just supposed to enjoy them! martin buber says, look at your person as a thou, not as an it; as a living, feeling person in this moment, not the concept you have of them. of course they're not perfect, but that doesn't really matter.

beauty too isn't easy to pin down. what i find beautiful changes with time. styles change. i used to love the rustic furniture look but lately i see that some of it is fake rustic. and so i'd prefer to have a quality genuine piece of furniture. i used to want all my dishes to match in their antique battered-ness. but why not have some new things and some old ones and some in between? isn't that more like life?

---

all those cherished radical ideas...they're getting rubbed off like embarassing rough edges.

maybe i'm getting worn and a little rustic myself. i guess that's a part of aging i can appreciate.

Desiderata

Today, in a dentist's office, I spotted this poem framed on a wall. It's familiar to me--maybe I read it someplace before? I wanted to study it more closely. It expresses many things that are beautiful and inspiring to me.

I guess it's no coincidence that the dentist seemed to embody these ideals--he was so gentle, courteous, thorough, and unrushed. He took time to explain things to us, even making a sketch on a napkin. Unlike the dentist we saw earlier this week, he truly made us feel seen and heard. We left with lighter hearts, feeling that we were in the hands of someone who really cares if Adam gets better.

Good people are hiding everywhere. Later, we stopped at a store. As we parked, I said, isn't this the store where that great lady works in the bakery? Sure enough, as we approached the store, we saw her sitting outside, eating her lunch. I greeted her (even though I've only met her once before, months ago). She looks Turkish, beautiful, generous, and motherly. She wears a black head scarf and makes enthusiastic recommendations about different loaves of bread and how to enjoy them.

The Olive Loaf was delicious.

_______________________________

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann

pictures from our life lately

today was rainy and foggy--very peaceful.


yesterday, and again today, these friends came by to see what we were up to.


even when they don't come knocking, they are nearby.


i took this picture on one of the first wonderful warm days this spring.


a new journal for me--stitched up quickly and i'm enjoying writing in it as i read.


and finally, our big project, which is coming along well. it's been far more ambitious than we knew it would be, and yet somehow things have worked out well--a step at a time. i could write a long post on snags we've hit and things we've learned. i've had a hey day doing lots of math. i can't wait to be living in it!

Listen

Several years ago a friend recommended Frederick Buechner's books to me. Sometimes these recommendations simmer in the back of my mind for a while, but I've come to believe that if the book is important for my life, it will surface again at exactly the right time.

Recently I was browsing in the biography section of the library and came across The Sacred Journey. (Browsing is a good way to allow serendipity to send good books your way.)

Buechner writes a beautiful account of his early life and soul's growth. His family moved often. He experienced the loss of his father at an early age. His mother moved the family to Bermuda, then North Carolina. He attended boarding school near Princeton, New Jersey, and later was briefly in the Army. He studies his memories like old photographs, and searches in them for the glimpses of a presence that slowly and gently made Itself known to him.

This book comes to me at a time when I've felt intensely the need to look through the accumulation of many years of a bewildering variety of experiences. The many different lives I've lived all happened to this one person who often forgets who she is and where she comes from. Is it possible to reflect back and somehow see the larger pattern, the big picture of my life? I need perspective in order to move intelligently into the next phase of my life.

For me, and for anyone, Buechner gives this advice:

"...Listen. Listen. Your life is happening. You are happening....A journey, years long, has brought each of you through thick and thin to this moment in time as mine has also brought me. Think back on that journey. Listen back to the sounds and sweet airs of your journey that give delight and to those too that give no delight at all and hurt like Hell. Be not afraid. The music of your life is subtle and elusive and like no other--not a song with words but a song without words, a singing, clattering music to gladden the heart or turn the heart to stone, to haunt you perhaps with echoes of a vaster, farther music of which it is part.

"The question is not whether the things that happen to you are chance things or God's things because, of course, they are both at once. There is no chance thing through which God cannot speak--even the walk from the house to the garage that you have walked ten thousand times before, even the moments when you cannot believe there is a God who speaks at all anywhere. He speaks, I believe, and the words he speaks are incarnate in the flesh and blood of our selves and of our own footsore and sacred journeys."

I want to listen more. I need the comfort of that voice.

lamb

from this site.

isn't it just so heartbreakingly cute?

Just a brief alert to anyone who reads this--my email was hacked into this morning and a bogus request for money was sent out. Also, I lost all my contacts, and my email history was wiped out. I am looking into another email account, although my gmail account may be ok for now.

It makes me question again the security of having an online existence at all. I got out of facebook for this reason. But at the same time I know that maybe what happened to me was preventable, if I knew more about things. Then again, I don't know how smart I want to keep on having to be!

So please, have good, strong passwords, change them from time to time, and log out of your email while browsing other websites, or choose the https setting if it is available for your email (google has it under general settings, near the bottom).

...

It's been fun getting phone calls from old friends, all the same.

scanner

i've never used a scanner before (i know). since i'm married to an artist, and sometimes aspire to be one myself, it's a big deal to have one hooked up to the computer, install the drivers, and figure it out.

first scan: a coaster that was handy.


second: a poem by ursula leguin which i copied at the library today.

my brother told me to try gimp as an alternative to photoshop. i used it to play with the original scan.

edge

pictures of how the wall sections look in a completed yurt

the best thing about yurts is that they are collapsible and portable. our three sections fold up small (each less than 2 feet wide), but then open up very wide (about 16 feet long). when they are folded up, the sections are about eight feet long, but we will stretch them until they form a wall about 5 feet high.

(both pictures from here)
the two wall sections meet and are simply tied together.



"Their huts or tents are formed of rods covered with felt, and being exactly round, and nicely put together, they can gather them into one bundle and make them up as packages, which they carry along with them in their migrations, upon a sort of car with four wheels."
Marco Polo (1252-1329) The Travels

working on our yurt

(one of the yurt's wall sections, partially completed, taken earlier this week)

we're making progress on our yurt. tonight, we finally completed the 3 wall sections. they are supposed to be the most time consuming portion of the project, and we hope they are, since we've been working on them steadily for the past 3 weeks. next up, door, roof, and canvas covering. each a pretty major project, but then again, it's a home we're building, so it's not supposed to be that easy.

in the video below, adam is drilling one of almost 800 holes in over 100 pieces of wood. we also sanded and then oiled each board, before assembling them into three wall sections. each of the wall sections (khanas) are made of 36 pieces of wood, and then fastened together with knotted ropes.



(in this blog, a girl very thoroughly documents her process building a quite similar yurt.)

we're excited to be moving forward with something that's been a dream for a long time.

standing still

if you travel a lot,


you will see a lot of different sights.


but when you stand still in one place,


the view is also constantly changing.

inspiration

i've always been visually inspired. i don't get addicted to fa*cebook or yo*utube, but can lose hours browsing through beautiful pictures on blogs or websites. i've saved hundreds of jpg files on various computers and browsing through old ones gives me a sense of how my tastes have changed over the years. the ones below are some that still speak to me.

i've nursed an obsession for rustic little homes in natural settings.


brooding landscapes...


the picture below reminds me of a house i loved in ireland, with ladders up to a loft.


i can see myself in a kitchen like this one someday. handbuilt cabinets, running water supplied from a tank above the sink. open shelves, lots of light. function first.


the old, dark wood here..


the slanted ceiling makes for a cozy feeling here:


and this perfect space that simply welcomes you home.


...

lately i have been challenged to focus less on images of other people's lives and instead training my eye to see the beauty in my own life, and in my own creations. it is satisfying to live in the real world rather than in the idyllic world of photographs.

but returning to these pictures is like browsing a scrapbook of dreams.

a thought

This may not always be true, but I've noticed that often when someone does something "to" you that you do not like, they actually also are doing that same thing to themselves.

I know that some people seem to treat themselves better than they treat anyone else.

However, my instincts tell me that if you look more closely, you'll see that they are ignoring and not listening to you in the same way that they ignore and do not listen to their true selves.

Or they constantly question and doubt you just as they question and doubt themselves. Even if their own self-doubts are thickly cloaked in defensiveness and loud proclamations.

..

In this context, the following makes sense to me: "You must learn to love your self before you can love anyone else."

yurt cluster

image from here

Also, here is an article on a couple living in a yurt in Alaska.

quest

I hope that Adam and I will be able to find the life that we feel must be out there...yet we have no guarantees that it is there.

The clearest promise that it exists is my growing longing for it within. Another is that I know we are not the only two who seem to need to live in a different way. However, it seems like many more people were choosing this lifestyle in the 60's and 70's. Are there fewer today? Did those who set out on that path leave it eventually? I know some have stayed the course and been happy in it.

(image from here)
What is this life? A life where not much money is needed, where we can live in a house built mostly with our own hands, and eat food, much of which we grow ourselves. A life where we are not slaves to constant employment and the panic of needing a paycheck constantly.

A life in which integrity and inspiration motivate us to work, rather than the fear of destitution and the next rent or mortgage payment. A life where right livelihood is more of a concern than income.

I am stubbornly convinced that we can find this life. In fact, I would dedicate my life to finding it if it takes that long. I believe it is my life's work to discover a way of life that makes sense.

 

this was taken a day after the picture in the last post.

a very high tide

 

yesterday afternoon the high tide coincided with lots of rain, and the water rose steadily all around the house, coming up the driveway until we were basically a little island. we thought it would be fun to brave the water in our rubber boots, until i discovered a hole in mine. we stayed in, out of the wind and cold. the house has stayed dry so far.

from here

this caught my eye...because i'm currently re-quilting my childhood "blankie" that is falling apart. there is something so beautiful about hand stitching. it takes a very long time, but it's kind of fun, especially since i'm using my favorite pink thread.

roots

this is a basil plant that grew in a tomato sauce can this year. later in the summer, i set the can in some soil in my in-law's tomato garden, so it would get watered while we were away. at the end of the summer, i picked up the can. i should not have been surprised to see that it had sent roots out through the bottom of the can.

rooting is so natural for plants. even people can't help rooting, if they stay in a place for a while.

in search of simplicity

image from here

I've always been drawn to idealistic extremes. As a young adult, I made many embarassing bold proclamations that may have gotten me a bit of a reputation. Mostly, they earned me the merciless mocking of my younger sister.

I wanted radical simplicity. I thought that bread, apples, and cheese would be the perfect diet. I wanted to eat nothing else.

I wanted to live in a spartan dwelling, like the apartment prepared for the prophet elijah, a small room with "a bed and a table, a chair and a lamp" (2 Kings 4:8).

And perhaps a bowl, a spoon, and a book.

Books about thoughtful people in prison appealed to me probably because it seemed great to be in a very austere, minimal environment. You could read, or write your thoughts. Besides your meals, there was little else to consider.

In high school I took to wearing jeans and white t-shirts every day (or most days). Even today, I love the idea of not really having to think about what to wear. I have a couple pairs of pants, a tall stack of white t-shirts, and maybe 3 sweaters that I rotate among (I do have more clothes than that, but those are what I wear most days). In summer, I usually have one or two pairs of shorts that I wear pretty much all summer.

Indulge me a little longer on this reflection.

A couple of years ago, I read a book that inspired me to embrace this minimalism with regard to my diet. Not the bread, apples, and cheese diet, but a diet that inspired me to eliminate foods not in their natural state. Butter, not margarine. No prepackaged, processed, complicated foods with long illegible labels. Rather, fresh produce, milk, eggs. Jars of rice, lentils, beans. Homemade bread, biscuits. Honey, olive oil.

A diet that perhaps a 15th century monk would recognize. With some exceptions of course.

In the area of home furnishings, Adam influenced me to move towards glass, metal, and wood, rather than plastics, in the kitchen. And I sold my ikea pressboard shelves and made some of my own rustic, quirky creations to take their place. I realized that I preferred fabrics of cotton and wool and linen rather than synthetic blends for curtains, sheets, or towels.

In all of this, I've had a lot of fun discovering old fashioned, minimal ways.

But my biggest challenge is the middle path, something that has never been my strong point.

Shaving my head and throwing everything away is not a good thing. Holding onto bits of string, rubber bands, found paper, found wood, miscellaneous glues, tape, old letters, tools for various handcrafts and hobbies and cooking, old wine corks, bottles of various sizes...it drove me crazy. Adam's clutter...well, I eyed it with fantasies of donating things to the goodwill.

Then I realized that his collection of stuff is valuable, and time and time again he has the little gadget or tool that is exactly what i need, and chances are it dates back to when he was in high school or before. Which is pretty awesome.

I guess the austerity of a monk's cell is not exactly what my life's destiny is. But there is an austerity that I do think is right, for me. I think it's the choice to buy less, and try to make more, to patch old things, buy old or used things whenever I can. To have fewer things in order to have less mental clutter.

I guess this quest for the perfect formula for a simple, mindful life is my life's journey. And letting go of easy, extreme answers is not easy but it's part of my learning to be balanced.

Also, being kind and accepting of others is far more important than achieving that pure, simple, and somewhat intolerant art form that I have a weakness for.

homemade shelves

i waste/spend a lot of time looking at pictures like these online. there is something so great about imperfection and handmade objects.

i think this winter may involve some book-making, but there's nothing wrong with doing a little research for when i return to some furniture making.

movie recommendations

I'm super excited to be going to see "Where the Wild Things Are" tomorrow. I just get the idea that it will be magical and fairy feeling, somehow.



Adam & I have watched lots of movies and along the way we've come across some that are just wonderful. From time to time I think about sharing a list of my favorites, because some of them are just really inspiring and uplifting and make you feel good about being alive. Of course they're most helpful for someone with access to a great library or netflix, as they're not all very mainstream.

The Fall

I picked this one up because it had a really visually arresting cover, with lots of beautiful bold colors. The movie really was amazing visually, with intense reds and greens and blues from nature and from ethnic settings. But it also was heartwarming to the point of tears, and it was about love in unexpected places. And about not losing hope, even when all hope seems lost. This is probably one movie that I could watch over and over again, and I can't recommend it highly enough.

Etre et Avoir

We are in the middle of this one, but it's so heartwarming to watch this kid's eye view of what school is like, for little french children (in a one-room school) learning to draw their sevens, and count, and struggling to focus long enough to finish coloring a picture. Am I saying heartwarming on all of these? I guess maybe that's what I like in a movie.

The Decalogue

This is a series of 10 movies based loosely on the 10 commandments, but the interpretations are surprising. The movies are an hour each and in Polish, if I remember correctly. But the writing is so good, and there is such an amazing exploration of challenging human experiences, from a little child asking what happens to a dog when it dies, to brothers inheriting their father's stamp collection and fighting over it. Small issues explored really deeply. Very enjoyable. Not just a movie you watch because you know you should.

That's all for now. My memory is prodigiously bad, so there are probably many more amazing movies I've forgotten. I'll try to remember more. But I'd love to hear if anyone else has seen these, or has their own movie recommendation to share.

rules and self-imposed limitations

Adam & I were talking last night about the limits people make for themselves and how it actually helps their creative process. I have been struggling lately with too many ideas and it strikes me that I need to have rules for my life in order to focus and be productive.

Back when I was making furniture, I gradually came up with rules for myself based on what I liked and thought beautiful and practical.

1. Only use found wood. I would find discarded wood on the side of the road or in construction dumpsters. I even found and used some wood that washed up on the beach. I never spent a penny for any wood. (I did buy screws and sandpaper, though.) The fact that the wood I used was already sort of banged up and imperfect was actually very freeing. I think I would have been more nervous using perfect lumber from the store.

2. The wood must be in good condition, and not varnished. After a while I realized I preferred working with bare, unfinished wood.

3. Finish with linseed oil or leave wood untreated. Linseed oil is a less toxic finish to work with than varnish or polyurethane. It leaves the furniture looking more natural and allows a nice weathering to happen when the wood gets dinged or scratched, rather that the upsetting way that perfectly varnished furniture looks when "damaged".

4. Stick to tables and benches. By making only one basic type of furniture, I learned from mistakes and got better at designing pieces. Some of my tables have awkward heights and ungainly dimensions but at least I can stare at them and try to figure out what it is that bothers me about them.

5. Use screws, not nails. This was hard to arrive at because aesthetically I prefer nails, but using screws makes the furniture easier to take apart if anyone wanted to re-use the wood for something else someday.

6. Design the furniture to be taken apart and reassembled. This way when you move you can make a table flat. It is also helpful when one's furniture is being stored in a garage.


I'm looking forward to winnowing down my interests gradually with rules that enable me to know what I REALLY want. I also think it would be interesting to find out rules that others have used in order to focus. Anyone?

a stubborn stone

this was taken on our cross-country trip in 2007. i think it is called haystack rock, on the beautiful oregon coast. we ate a delicious fish and chips dinner and enjoyed the pub's own brew while watching the sunset.

there's something about that rock, as i look at it right now, that looks to me like a thought, looming large in the landscape of the mind. it's a difficult thought, one that the waves crash against over and over again, with little change. i'm not sure what one can do with such a thought, except maybe to accept it.

(updated)

from the archives

in 2007, adam & i drove cross country together. i never got any prints from that trip, partly because when i looked at the images, i felt that these pictures couldn't really compare to the memories of the trip anyway. during the 23 day experience, we aquired a huge collection of anecdotes, and formed our own shared history, a library of strange and fun stories to draw from.

before the trip, we had dated for about 4 months. after the trip, the volume of our shared experience had become much larger. somehow, the fact that we didn't drive each other crazy, that we survived the adventure together, gave our relationship weight and solidity. i guess that's what they mean when they talk about a "make or break" situation.

this picture i'm guessing was taken from the car window somewhere in south dakota.

about a year later, just after we were married, the computer that had these files on it died, and it wasn't until a year after that that i managed to get someone to retrieve all our files off of it. now i'm revisiting them and appreciating them, after a long separation.

maybe i'll post a few more in the next few days.

inspiring

I saw this in a shop recently. I think we already do many of these things and they make our lives richer.

joy

Sometimes I think of this blog as a scrapbook, and I like take a page and glue related scraps that I come across in life. Tonight's page is themed Joy.

I picked up Rolling Stone magazine the other day, because it had a picture of Stephen Colbert on the cover looking humorously like a homeless guy.



(I didn't notice until just now that the article is titled "The Joy of Stephen Colbert".)

Anyway somewhere in the interview he says that he calls his show "the joy machine". And he also says that if there is joy, God must be present. It's an interesting position for a practicing Roman Catholic whose irreverent humor will go just about anywhere.

But when I read what he said about joy (I wish I'd copied the actual quote), I realized that I believed him, that somehow God is present in his show. There is something really profound, more than just silly, in his grin.

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The morning after I read that article, Adam was playing some music on the computer, which it turns out was from a new Phish album, "JOY".


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Later that morning I read the following in Anna Deavere Smith's book, "Letters to a Young Artist":

I think that tapping into the sheer joy of whatever it is that you do--that is, when I go onstage, when you enter the studio to paint, when your cousin goes to a ballet class--the sheer joy is what liberates us, opens the senses, the heart, the arteries, so that we feel that strong will to communicate that is greater than any chains we may have.


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There is something deep and strong and pure in real joy. C. S. Lewis wrote about this elusive experience that was a strange blend of longing and bliss. He wrote:

"The very nature of Joy makes nonsense of our common distinction between having and wanting."
--Surprised by Joy

"All joy...emphasizes our pilgrim status; always reminds, beckons, awakens desire. Our best havings are wantings."
--from an unknown letter

"Joy is the serious business of Heaven."
--Letters to Malcolm

It seems to me that following one's bliss (advice from Joseph Campbell) or joy isn't really about a life of self-indulgence.

Reflecting on this seems to be teaching me about being truthful with myself and my nature, stripping away unnecessary activities, and sincerely following what I was created to be.

Almost like searching to find a clear cold stream in a forest, then following it to the source.

I am not I.
I am this one
walking beside me whom I do not see,
whom at times I manage to visit,
and whom at other times I forget;
who remains calm and silent while I talk,
and forgives, gently, when I hate,
who walks where I am not,
who will remain standing when I die.

Juan Ramon Jimenez
(found in Anne Lamott's Blue Shoe)

returning

so, just about a month ago, we moved out of our place, put everything in storage, and took off on a camping trip to explore some places that we thought might be right for us to set up on a new life.

we drove into virginia, north carolina, and returned through west virginia and pennsylvania. we checked out charlottesville, staunton, blacksburg, asheville, the north carolina coast, chapel hill, and morgantown, wv.

we found out that many wonderful things are happening in those communities. we visited natural food coops, farmer's markets, listened to live music all over asheville, talked to people who shared their stories of relocating and finding a home. we watched people dance at sunset at a bluegrass concert (and i watched and ached to be a part of a community sharing summer and music and that moment). we swam in lakes and streams and waterfalls and rivers and oceans. we dealt with many sudden cloudbursts and dried ourselves out and packed and unpacked and kept going.

we got exhausted from the constant camping and got a hotel room one night which was such a relief.

one day as we started out driving our car started making a terrible noise and we were filled with dread. but only an hour later, we were all ready to go again. we met a man checked the problem, and then gave us directions to a muffler shop. there we met another man formerly from nj who welded back the exhaust pipe (right behind the catalytic converter) where it had rusted right through. for a mere $20.

and we were filled with the joy of being helped by such friendly folks.

the funny thing is...that i don't think we found our home.

and it's hard not to give in to fear and dread, to come to the end of the trip and not have it turn out like we wanted it to. i envisioned our transition period being short and neat and soon having a new little apartment to call home, in a perfect town where we'd both work satisfying jobs in artistically supportive or community conscious businesses.

but i think maybe we want to not move as far from our roots (here) as we originally thought.

and i'm holding onto faith and hope that we can find what we both need to flourish. for now, the exercise is expressing what it is that we both desire for ourselves, what live we would like to be living. it's something that can only become clear with time. and there is a part of me that feels relieved at not uprooting myself completely from this area, which i've called home for 6 years now.

so for now we are living with family and starting a new round of research and looking and also lots of talking about what it is we would like to build together.